


Kings and Queens of a Distant Age

by rubberglue



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-24
Updated: 2014-01-28
Packaged: 2018-01-05 22:43:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1099449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubberglue/pseuds/rubberglue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Gwen, Arthur and Merlin start to remember their past lives, they find themselves thrown together, trying to figure out why the memories are back and how to reconcile their lives today with the one they lived all those years ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Ancelstierre for the holidays. :)

It was a brief flash at first, an image of her in the most gorgeous silk dress, someone placing a crown upon her head.

She ignored it and continued with dinner. Jason was chatting happily about his day with Sefa – they’d gone to the beach and he’d made a sandcastle – and Gwen tried to focus on him. She had little enough time with her son. Strange pictures in her mind shouldn’t be distracting her from him.

Gwen was washing up after dinner when she remembered. The bowl in her hand clattered into the sink as she gripped the edges, steadying herself as several scenes flashed through her mind, scenes that felt so real, as if she’d lived through them.

“Are you alright, mum?” Jason peeked into the kitchen from the doorway.

Sucking in a deep breath, she turned to him. “Yes. Yes, I’m fine. Just feeling a little dizzy.”

“I finished my drawing,” he said, padding towards her, a paper clutched in his small fist.

She dried her hands, then walked over to her six year old and ruffled his hair. “What did you draw?”

“I drew a dragon. Look!” Jason pushed the paper towards her. “And here are some knights fighting him. They won’t win because the dragon can breathe fire! But the wizard has magic and he’ll shoot the dragon with his magic and the dragon will die. Mum? Mum? Did you hear me?”

“Yes of course. It’s lovely,” Gwen said distractedly. “Why don’t you give it to me and I’ll put it up on the fridge.”

“Put it next to the zoo picture ok?”

“Ok. Why don’t you get ready for bed? I’ll come and read you a book when I finish.”

Jason grinned. “Ok. Is Uncle Dan coming today?”

“Uh, no. He’s busy.”

“Can you read me a book about knights?”

Gwen nodded and watched as Jason walked away. She looked down at his picture, the knot in her stomach growing. Jason’s recent obsession with knights and castles and dragons, and her own exhaustion was causing all these ridiculous images in her head. Not only was there no such thing as magic or dragons, the idea that she’d lived another life was even more outrageous. Shoving the images out of her mind, Gwen finished up the cleaning and made her way to Jason’s room.

“ … and then the knight went home to his son, kissed him and they lived happily ever after.”

Jason yawned, snuggling closer to her. “One day, I’ll be a knight and I’ll kill a dragon,” he murmured.

“Of course, sweetie. But a future knight needs his sleep.” Leaning over, she pressed a kiss on his head, her heart swelling with love for her son.

“Sefa says she’ll bring me to the zoo tomorrow. Do you think there’ll be dragons there?”

“Maybe,” said Gwen. “Now close your eyes and go to sleep.” As usual, she lingered in the doorway, watching Jason sleep before finally tearing herself away.

Dan called as usual and although she tried to sound like she usually did, he quickly realized something was wrong. “Do you want me to come over?”

“No, it’s late and you said you have an important meeting tomorrow morning,” Gwen said, her heart warming at his concern.

He persisted. “I can bring my things over and get to work from your place.”

“I’m fine, really. Don’t fuss.”

There was a slight pause, before Dan continued. “I was looking at some tours to Wales. I think it will be nice for the three of us to get away over the Christmas break.”

Gwen smiled. “That sounds lovely. We can talk about it more when you come by tomorrow.”

“Great,” he said. “How was your day?”

The brief conversation reinforced her decision to ignore whatever was happening in her head. She had a good life now.

“I love you too,” said Gwen finally.

By the time Gwen was ready for bed, she was exhausted yet she lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. She counted sheep, drank a glass of warm milk and even read a few pages of the document she was working on. And yet she was still awake, her mind swirling with images of castles, knights and war. And of a blonde male whose touch made her shudder.

The next day, after she handed Jason to Sefa and kissed him goodbye, she went to the doctor before work and asked for sleeping pills. By the time she walked out of her office at 5pm, at least five people had asked her if she was alright. And despite her carefully planned to-do list, the only thing she managed to check off was ‘print out document for Mr Samat’.

“Jason, finish your vegetables,” she snapped over dinner, then immediately flashed her son a tired smile to soften her harsh tone. Dan’s eyes caught hers and she could see the question in them. Shaking her head, she forced a smile, hoping he wouldn’t ask.

Unaware of what was happening at the table, Jason stuffed the broccoli into his mouth. “I hate vegetables,” he grumbled with his mouth full, earning himself a glare from Gwen. Sighing at Jason, she glanced at Dan who was, as usual, hidden behind the newspaper. Then she caught sight of his photo on the back of the paper. He wasn’t clad in armour but it was him, staring back at her.

“Hey, you look like you saw a ghost.” Dan shoved the newspaper away and stared at her. “Are you sure you are alright?”

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she replied, “Yes. Can you pass me the papers?”

Dan didn’t seem convinced but he handed over the papers. As calmly as she could, she turned to the photograph.

“Mum!” Jason whined, interrupting her wayward thoughts, “I’ve eaten half of my broccoli. Can I leave the table now?”

Lowering the newspaper to look at Jason’s plate, she replied, “Yes sweetie. Wash your hands before you go play.”

As Jason slid off his chair and scampered out of the kitchen, Gwen turned her attention back to the newspaper.

_Arthur Knight out on town with his latest girlfriend._

There was no doubt about it. Arthur Knight was the man haunting her head, the man who seemed to be in every image that floated through her mind. When she realized she was caressing his photo, she quickly folded the newspaper and tossed it onto the empty chair, willing her thumping heart to slow down.

It was then she realized that Dan was watching her. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” She glanced down at the newspaper again. “Uh, there’s a sale on diamonds. I’ve been thinking of getting one.”

Dan smiled, his hand reaching out to grasp hers. “Is that a hint Gwen? Because you know –“

“No!”

Jerking away his hand, Dan blinked.

“Dan, I’m sorry. I’m not ready yet.”

“We’ve been seeing each other for a year now, Gwen. I want to settle down, be a husband to you, a father to Jason.” He sighed. “We’ve had this conversation before.” His eyes settled on the newspaper she’d placed on the table. “I’m not Arthur Knight. I’m not going to run away with a newer, better model every few weeks.”

It was getting too much – Dan’s subtle proposal, the images in her head, demanding something. Pushing herself away from the table, she gathered up the dishes and went to the sink. Her back to Dan, she finally replied. “This isn’t a good time to discuss this.”

She felt Dan’s arms encircle her waist, his lips against her neck. “Is it work?”

“Yes,” she whispered, hating that she was lying to Dan, sweet, stable, understanding Dan. “You know how it is with a new exhibition soon.”

His hands squeezed her waist. “You’re far too good for them. Now, let me do the dishes. You go spend time with your son.”

Jason, his tongue sticking out, was frantically colouring in his drawing when Gwen emerged from the kitchen. Sliding into the chair next to him, she watched as he coloured the dragon purple.

“More knights and dragons?” she asked, thankful that her voice didn’t betray her dismay. Why couldn’t Jason be into cars or monsters instead?

He nodded, still intently concentrating on the dragon.

“What colour should I colour the knight’s flag?” He asked finally.

“Red,” she replied unthinkingly. “Can I help?”

“Uh-huh.” Jason pushed the paper closer to her, directing her to colour in the sky. In silence, they worked together, heads close. After a while, Dan came out and helped as well. When they finally finished it to Jason’s satisfaction, Gwen tucked Jason into bed and kissed his forehead.

“Good night Jason.”

Jason shifted slightly, burying his face into the pillow. “Good night mum,” he murmured.

Dan was waiting for her in the living room. She curled into his side and closed her eyes. Dan was a good man. She had a good life, with a decent job, a great son and Dan. The images she could ignore.

“Jason is really into knights these days,” he said. “I was thinking of getting him the Lego set with the castle.”

“You pamper him too much, Dan.”

“How else would I get his mother to marry me?” He dropped a kiss on her nose. Firmly pushing away her worries, Gwen twisted so she could kiss him properly, letting him deepen the kiss until he pressed her into the sofa, his hand up her blouse and his length hard against her thigh. “Let’s go to bed,” he said against her skin.

She nodded, then let him lead her to the bedroom.

Gwen gasped as his fingers stroked her thigh, teasing them open. Then soft, warm lips replaced his fingers, slowly kissing and licking up the inside of her thigh. Need burned in her and she groaned while her hands tried to urge him to move faster, but he was not to be deterred from his route. Finally, finally, his mouth reached where she was aching and the sweep of his tongue made her scream out loud.

“Arthur!”

Her eyes opened and she was alone. Dan must have left in the middle of the night. She’d never felt so thankful for that before.

Her body was heated with a need she hadn’t felt in a very long time and she sucked in a shuddering breath. It was harmless, she told herself, as her hand drifted to where she ached, her fingers slipping inside, her thumb pressing down on her clit. Arthur’s face, his eyes dark with desire, drifted into her head, her imagination easily replacing her hands with Arthur’s. His name was on her lips when she came so intensely that her hips jerked off her bed and she continued to tremble long after.

Gwen took the next day off, told Sefa she didn’t need to come in to work and spent the day playing with Jason, trying to keep herself distracted. Yet at random moments, another new image would strike her. They were nothing concrete, just small scenes of her in a medieval city with Arthur Knight by her side. She was sometimes a servant, dressing a noble woman, sometimes a queen, ruling over a round table of knights.

As the day passed, it took more and more effort to keep the images at bay and even Jason started to worry. Eventually, she told Jason to play on his own and she made herself a hot mug of tea and settled down in front of the television. Reaching for the remote control, she switched on the television hoping the noise and images would keep her mind busy.

When a man’s face appeared, the mug dropped from her hand. In a panic, she switched off the television and sat silently on the sofa as the hot tea pooled at her feet. Shakily, she hit the button on the remote again and the television blared to life. On the screen, a man, Marvin, was being interviewed about a robbery that had taken place in a cafe he worked at.

“I have no idea what happened. I wished that the man would drop his gun so I would have a chance to tackle him and he did. It’s almost like magic.”

The knot in Gwen’s stomach grew. Marvin looked exactly like one of those people in the images pummeling her brain. First Arthur, now Marvin. What was happening?

By the time Jason came out of his room, Gwen had pulled herself together. The tea had been cleaned up and she was feeling slightly better, having repeated to herself her determination to pretend she didn’t remember.

Gwen didn’t sleep that night either and took another day off work. This time, Sefa came over to look after Jason. Clearly, ignoring the images in her head was not going to work. She had to do something.

The cafe was dingy and in a part of the city Gwen would normally not venture. Gingerly, she pushed open the door and peered in. A handful of people were scattered around and as she scanned the cafe, she noticed the man from the news at the cash register. As nonchalantly as possible, she walked in and stared at the sandwich selection.

“Hi!” Marvin called out and her heart jumped. Did he recognise her? Was he having the same images in his head? “Never seen you here before.”

She pasted a smile on her face and turned. “Hi. I was just passing by and felt a little hungry.”

“Welcome then. I’m Marvin.”

“I’m Guinevere but most people call me Gwen.” The words slipped out of her mouth and she wondered where they came from. Her name was most definitely not Guinevere. But her words had an effect on Marvin. The white-knuckled grip of the countertop, the slightly glazed look and then the utter shock in his eyes.

“Gwen.”

She nodded. He sounded like he knew here but here were too many people here to do anything more, so she grabbed a sandwich from the chiller and passed it to Marvin, who rang it up almost automatically.

“Do you have a moment?” She whispered. Perhaps she and Marvin could sort this out and she could then go on with her life.

“I could close early. Maybe around 3?”

“I’ll come back.”

“Right. Wow,” Marvin breathed. “You look good.”

Gwen’s responding smile was tight, unnerved by the fact that he seemed to know her. Then she turned and walked away.

As the sun blazed down on her, Gwen made her way through the now familiar path and stopped in front of the cafe door, now with the sign closed on it. She knocked.

“I wondered if you were going to come back,” Marvin said as he pulled open the door for her. “I closed immediately after lunch. The memories kept buffeting me. It was horribly distracting.”

“Memories? You mean the images?”

A slight frown marred Marvin’s forehead. “Yes, the images.”

“Why do you call them memories? They aren’t real.” Her laugh sounded desperate to her ears. “They can’t possibly be real.”

His hand covered hers. “Gwen, they are real. They happened. A long time ago.”

“I don’t understand,” she whispered, pulling her hand from his. “How can it be real? Who are you?”

“We should probably sit down. Come.” Marvin led her to a small table and pulled out a chair for her.

She sat down, her mind trying to make sense of what Marvin said. “You’re saying that all the scenes in my head actually happened?”

Marvin nodded. “It was a life we once lived. A long time ago.”

“What? This doesn’t make any sense.”

“My name is Merlin. You’re Guinevere –“

Gwen laughed. “Are you saying we were characters from the Arthurian legends?” He was nuts. She should have known that when she saw him babble about magic on the news. This whole thing was nuts. Grabbing her bag, she stood. “Thank you for your time. I have to go.”

Marvin – Merlin stood as well. “Guinevere –“

“I’m not Guinevere.”

Marvin waved his hand and butterflies appeared, fluttering around the tiny café. One flew past her face and she could almost feel its wings brush against her cheek. She gasped and stared at him.

“I’m Merlin,” he said softly, “and you’re Guinevere, Queen of Camelot. And experience tells me that it’s not something we can run away from.”

She sat down again, far too shocked and confused to process everything. “What happens now?”

One look at his face and she knew he had no answers for her. “I don’t know, Gwen. We usually learn to live with the memories. Let’s just hope Morgana isn’t out to get us this time.”

Gwen swallowed. The name Morgana sent a chill down her spine but she had no idea who Morgana was.

“Do you remember Arthur?”

“No. I think I know who he is.” She sighed. “Merlin, it’s not that easy is it? Learning to live with the memories?”

Merlin shook his head. “Not always. Sometimes it’s easier than others.”

“I have a son and a partner.”

“We’ll work this out,” said Merlin with far more confidence than she felt. “We always do. As long as we stay together.”

“We?”

“You, me and Arthur.”

 _Arthur._ His name alone made her heart jump.

“Maybe he’ll have a better idea of why we’re remembering all this.” Merlin sighed. “Maybe if the three of us are together again, we can figure this out again.”

Gwen nodded. “Fine. I guess it’s just a matter of getting an audience with him.”

Getting an audience with the rich Arthur Knight was a bit more difficult. Messages left with his staff yielded no answer and their one attempt at intercepting him at his office building led to Merlin being bundled out by two burly security guards.

Gwen found herself constantly thinking about Arthur, at work, at home with her son and even in bed with Dan.

“You’ve been distracted the past few days,” said Dan as he stroked her hair. In front of them, the television blared.

“Hmmm.” Gwen didn’t know what to say to Dan. She barely believed what was happening to her life herself. How could she possibly explain it to him?

_“Arthur Knight was spotted at his favourite restaurant with actress Katheryn Hendrick –“_

Gwen sat up and stared at the screen, a plan forming in her head.

+

Arthur was used to being ambushed by the paparazzi. He wasn’t quite so used to being ambushed by a tiny, determined-looking female who marched into the exclusive restaurant with the maitre’d hot on her heels. All eyes were on her, and on him. Unwilling to make a scene, he rose smoothly from his seat to meet her. He expected her to flirt, although she didn’t seem dressed for seduction. He expected her to accuse him of something or the other. He did not expect her to stare at him with wet eyes and then reach out to touch him gently on his cheek. He certainly did not expect the sizzle of desire that shot through him at her touch.

“Arthur,” she whispered hoarsely. She was obviously nervous, very unlike many of those who tended to ambush him. And unlike the others, when she touched him, he literally felt his heart kick up a notch.

“What?” He jerked away from her touch, his mind a mess of confusion. “Do I know you?”

“I’m so sorry Mr Knight.” The maitre’d roughly grabbed hold of her.

Without thinking, he put a hand out. “No, I want to talk to her. Thank you.” The maitre’d made his disapproval quietly known but let go of her and stepped away.

“Can I help you?” He asked politely. Her stare unnerved him and she didn’t seem to be in a hurry to answer him. Something tugged at the edge of his mind. “You seem familiar. Have we met before?”

She licked her lips, a nervous gesture. His eyes dropped to her lips and he felt his body tighten in response. “We have. A long time ago.”

“I’m sorry but I really don’t remember.” Regret was building in him. His date would be here soon and this lady didn’t look like she had any intention of leaving anytime soon. He should have just let the matre’d deal with her. Now he would have to get his hands dirty. “Look Ma’am. If you have anything urgent to speak to me about, you should call my secretary to arrange -”

“My name is Guinevere.”

Again, something tugged at the edges of his mind but he was unable to focus on it. “Guinevere? That’s an unusual name. Still, this is my personal time -”

To his complete and utter shock, the lady stepped up to him, cupped his face and kissed him. For a moment he simply stood there as her lips moved across his, then memories began to swirl in his head. Memories of lavender dresses, kisses in alcoves, picnics and death.

“Guinevere,” he gasped, wrenching his mouth from hers. His heart thudded heavily and he felt slightly light headed. “It’s you.” His hand cupped her face and he stroked her cheek. “It’s you.”

Smoothing her dress, she stepped away from him, her eyes everywhere except on his. “We need to talk. Call me.” She slipped a card into his hand, then left. He wasn’t sure for how long he stood staring at her disappearing back.

“Mr Knight? Ms Brown has arrived.”

Dragging his thoughts back to the present, he nodded. “Yes, thank you.” Years of being in the spotlight had honed his acting skill and he quickly slid a smile back on his face. “Sabrina! You look gorgeous.”

He wasn’t one to drink alone but he figured learning that he was once the King of Camelot was a pretty compelling reason to be sitting in the dark, drinking. In his other hand, he held the card Guinevere had passed to him. By now, he’d read it so many times, he knew what it said without looking.

_Gwen Thomas_   
_Research Assistant_   
_The Roland Art Gallery_

Images of her laughing as he carried her to bed, kissing his neck as he attempted to undo her nightgown, burrowing into his embrace during the cold winter nights rushed through his mind. And there was Merlin, mocking him, pledging to always be by his side, promising they would never fail Camelot. But they had. She looked different now, dressed in a plain t-shirt and jeans, her hair cut short, but inside, he knew, she was the same Guinevere he had loved and will always love.

He grabbed his phone. It was 2am but he doubted Guinevere would be asleep.

When she finally answered after several rings, her voice husky with sleep, his stomach clenched as he thought of how she looked in the early mornings when he woke her with kisses.

“Guinevere? It’s me, Arthur.”

The cafe, though only a short walk from his office, was not a place he would typically venture. The shades were drawn and the cafe looked dark and empty. Frowning, he dug up the scrap of paper with the address. No, this was the place. Cautiously, he pushed the door open, jumping slightly at the tinkle of the bell above the door. Light shone from a room at the back of the cafe and he made his way towards it but before he could get there, someone stepped out of it.

“Merlin!”

“Arthur!”

Arthur awkwardly patted Merlin on the back and for a while, they just stood in silence, examining each other. Merlin looked no different from the last time they’d met, perhaps forty years ago. Large ears, eyes that held too much knowledge and pain contradicting the carefree grin on his face.

“Glad to know you’re still a rich prat.”

“Good to see you too Merlin. Is Guinevere here?”

Nodding, Merlin showed him into a tiny room - evidently Merlin’s office - where Guinevere sat. Desire to grab her and hold her slammed into him and he stopped at the entrance of the office. She looked up and the moment their eyes met, he tingled. Her smile was tight, but she gestured for him to take the chair next to her. Arthur wasn't sure it was a good idea to be so close to her but there weren't many other options in the room.

"So," Arthur said as he sat down, "We're together again." And as he looked around at the other two, he felt that familiar sense of belonging, that familiar shiver of excitement. An adventure awaited them and for the first time, the sense of ennui that he’d been trying to shake off, disappeared.

“No.”

Arthur looked up at Guinevere. Then at Merlin who didn’t seem surprised by her reaction.

“I can’t do this,” Guinevere said quietly. “I don’t want to think about a life I had before. I want to live the life I have now.”

“The life you have now?” A small voice in his head warned Arthur it was dangerous to probe, but he did anyway. He didn’t reach the heights of success today by being a coward.

“Yes,” Guinevere dropped her head and stared at her hands. Affection coloured her voice and a small smile ghosted her face. “My life with my son.”

“I see.” He should have known. He should have expected it but the words still punched him in the guts and for a moment, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. “Are you suggesting we all just pretend that we don’t remember anything? Then why look for me? Why jog my memory?” Why remind me of how much I love you?

Guinevere continued to stare at her hands.

“Well,” said Merlin, “an old man came into my café this morning, ordered a cup of coffee, then paid me with this.” He dropped a coin onto the table.

Arthur grabbed it. “It’s a gold coin from Camelot.”

“What?” Guinevere snatched it from him. “Oh my god. Who was the old man?”

"I don't know. It wasn't Gaius.” Merlin retrieved the coin from Guinevere. “He also gave me this. There’s an address on it.”

“Looks like we’re making a trip to – uh – Southend-on-Sea,” said Arthur as he examined the address scrawled on the plain white card. His eyes met Guinevere’s. “You coming?”

A resigned sigh escaped her. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be there.”


	2. Chapter 2

The alarm rang shrilly and Gwen blindly reached out a hand to silence it. Fifteen more minutes, she told herself as she buried her face further into her pillow. It was Saturday after all. She should be able to sleep in, especially when her sleep in recent nights had been filled with dreams of Arthur. And not of the innocent kind. She really shouldn’t have kissed him in the restaurant. It was a spur of the moment decision and now it haunted her – the feel of his lips, the taste of him.

The alarm rang again, less than five minutes later she thought and she struggled up to turn off the alarm. Something fell to the floor.

After a moment of searching, she found it. A gold coin. From Camelot.

It wasn’t a bad dream at all.

“We had plans to visit Winter Wonderland at Hyde Park next weekend,” said Dan, his mouth stuffed with the chicken pie she’d made for dinner.

“We did!” Jason piped up. “You promised!”

“I know but something came up –“

“In Southend-on-Sea?” 

“You know how it is with new artists.” She hoped her smile looked genuine. “Some of them need a personal touch.”

Dan wasn’t convinced, she could see it in his eyes but he just shrugged. “Alright then. We can make it a weekend getaway.” He ruffled Jason’s hair. “I’m sure Jason would love to go to the beach. Won’t you, Jason?”

It had been on the tip of her tongue to say no, that she would be so busy with work that Dan and Jason would be bored, but the enthusiasm in Jason’s eyes and the fact that he was practically bouncing in his chair made the words die on her lips. Surely she could work something out in Southend-on-Sea.

After they both put Jason to bed, she settled on the sofa with Dan, smiling as he pulled her legs onto his lap. “Uh, this feels so good,” she moaned as his hands massaged her feet.

“So tell me about this artist who lives in Southend-on-Sea,” 

“Umm, his name is Merlin –“

“Like the wizard?” laughed Dan, his hand squeezing her calves. “He must hate his parents.”

Gwen laughed along. “Like the wizard. He’s a bit of a recluse and second guessing his decision to show his work at our gallery.”

“And he’s that good that you have to go down and hold his hand?”

“Yup.”

They sat cuddled on the sofa for another hour or two. Dan’s attention was focused on the movie playing on the television, giving Gwen the chance to study him. A contract lawyer, Dan had been working with the gallery she worked at when they met. It hadn’t been love at first sight, not for her at least but Dan somehow wormed his way into her heart. Most importantly, he’d wormed his way into Jason’s heart. She loved Dan. She did. So why was it when she looked at him, she felt mostly guilt?

“You want me to pretend to be a recluse artist?” Merlin asked disbelievingly when she called him later in the night.

“You could magic up some art right? Just for when Dan and Jason are around.” 

She heard Merlin sigh over the line. “If you’re going to bring them, maybe you should tell Dan the truth.”

“And he’s going to believe me? I can barely believe it myself!” She felt her heart start to race and an ache develop behind her eyes. Rubbing her forehead, she continued. “Maybe there’s no need for us to go to Southend. Maybe if we just went on with life as usual, things will settle down.”

When Merlin said nothing immediately, Gwen wondered if she’d upset him.

“Has it settled down for you?” He finally said. “Or have you been having that feeling that something isn’t quite right, that something is missing?"

Merlin was right. If the way she had been feeling the past two weeks were any indication, not getting to the bottom of this, not figuring out a way to either live with the memories or purge herself of them would make for a very difficult life. She sighed into the phone.

“We’ll work something out,” said Merlin. 

“Will we?” Gwen asked. “Because nothing has been alright since I remembered.”

A pause. “If by alright, you mean the same as it was, then no.”

“What if we pretended we don’t remember – hang on – “ Gwen looked down at Jason who had left his bedroom and was standing in front of her rubbing his eyes, eyes that were clearly bright with tears. “Sweetie, you should be in bed.”

“Who are you talking to?”

“A friend.” Quickly, she told Merlin she’d call him back then she squatted down. “You can’t sleep?”

Jason shook his head, a slight pout on his face. “Bad dream.”

The moment she opened her arms, Jason stumbled into them, his arms wound tightly around her neck. “It’s just a dream, sweetie. It’s not real.”

“She said she would kill him,” murmured Jason into her neck. “And she said I would help her. I don’t want to kill anyone, mum.” 

Gwen’s heart pounded at her son’s words. His bad dreams usually involved some monster chasing him down dark alleys. Never this and she couldn’t shake the feeling that it had something to do with the mess her life was in now. She tightened her arms around him, feeling his burrow further into her embrace. “Who is she?”

“I don’t know. She was really white and she had long black hair. She said I would kill the King! I don’t want to kill the King!” His wide eyes full of fear pierced Gwen. 

“Remember what I said about bad dreams?”

Jason nodded reluctantly. “There are not real and I can control them.”

With a smile, Gwen pinched his chin. “Exactly. They are just your imagination playing around. Sometimes they are just being naughty. Now, you’re a good boy right?”

“Yes.”

“Well then, good boys don’t kill kings right?”

“Yes,” Jason said, the tight hold he had on her top loosening.

“What do you do when the monsters chase you?”

“I stop running and tell them to stop.”

“And when this lady comes again, you will tell her that she is wrong and that you are a good boy.”

Jason nodded again, his lips pursed and a frown marring his forehead, which Gwen gently smoothened. “And good boys don’t kill kings.”

“And good boys don’t kill kings,” said Gwen as reassuringly as she could. “Come, let’s go back to bed.”

It was a good half an hour later before Jason finally fell asleep. Gwen sat on the side of his bed, watching his chest rise and fall. It hadn’t been easy raising Jason all on her own, not when he tended to be sickly, having been a premature baby. But, he was her whole world and if she had to confront this past life of hers to keep him safe, she would.

Merlin yawned into the phone. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s fine. Is your son alright?” Merlin still sounded half-asleep, causing Gwen to feel a little bad but she had to have answers. 

“He had a dream. Of a white woman with long black hair wanting to kill the king.”

Merlin’s silence was not encouraging. 

“It’s Morgan le Fay isn’t it?” Gwen finally broke the silence. “And the king is Arthur. I know enough of the Arthurian legends to know this.” Her fingers gripped the cord of the phone tightly. “Why is Jason being dragged into this?”

“Morgana,” Merlin said quietly. “She’s Morgana, Arthur’s half-sister. At least in times past. I don’t think pretending we don’t remember is going to work. Something is happening.”

Gwen swallowed as her stomach lurched at Merlin’s words. “What do we do now?”

“We go to Southend this weekend.”

The phone cord had somehow wrapped itself around her hand and she tugged at it. "Ok."

"Arthur will drive us."

"I think it's better if we meet you there." There was no way she would be able to explain all this to Dan, much less explain why the city's most eligible bachelor would suddenly be driving her to Southend-on-Sea for the weekend. "And you'll pretend to be an artist right?"

Jason was practically floating on cloud nine from the moment he woke up. He asked, incessantly, about when they would be leaving for the beach and ran around the house with his small plastic pail and spade. As he made his hundredth round around the kitchen, Gwen grabbed him, lifted him up with some difficulty and plopped him onto a wooden chair. 

"We're not going anywhere until you eat your breakfast."

He hit the table with his spade, laughing. 

"Jason!" 

Immediately, he dropped the spade and stared up at Gwen. Shaking her head at him, she placed the plate of food in front of him and he ate it all up, even the wholegrain bread he usually tried to avoid. 

“Can we go now?” Despite the stress of the day, Jason's bright grin and sparkling eyes lightened her heart. The bad dreams were still haunting him so it was a relief to see him all chirpy and excited. Perhaps this trip to Southend would not only clear up all the questions she had about her past life, but also give Jason some happy memories.

“We have to wait for Dan to arrive. Why don’t you put on your shoes?” Gwen glanced at the clock. Dan was late – not that it was surprising. “Let me check where he is.”

With a firm nod, Jason scampered off.

A quick phone call to Dan led to one of his usual excuses for being late. The stress that Jason’s pure joy had made her forget earlier quickly rose in her again. She didn’t want to miss their train to Southend but Dan was really cutting it close.

As she double checked that her windows were locked, her phone rang.

“Hello? Dan?”

“That’s your partner?” Arthur voice poured through her phone, his smooth tone like a caress. 

“Arthur,” she said, far too shocked to say anything else. Since that day at Merlin’s café, she hadn’t had direct contact with him.

“Guinevere.”

“Gwen,” she replied firmly.

There was a short pause before he spoke again, casually ignoring her correction of her name. “Are you sure you won’t take a lift from me?”

“Yes. I’m sure.”

“You could always say I’m a potential buyer. The Knight Industries often buy art. Maybe I’m really keen to meet this reclusive artist.”

She was tempted, so tempted. His car was bound to be large and comfortable, and there was no need for changing trains, rushing off and on platforms. 

He must have read her mind. “Come on. It’s far more comfortable and convenient than the train.”

With Dan still not at her house and the clock ticking, Gwen knew they would have to rush to make the train. She glanced at Jason who was sitting at the door, legs swinging as he waved the spade around. “Alright.”

Jason was snuggled on her lap, telling her about all the things he was planning to do at the beach, when Arthur’s sleek car pulled up outside her house. Just then, she saw Dan round the corner and her heart sank. From her window, she watched as Arthur unfolded himself out of the car and tugged at his coat. Then Dan walked by. Heart in her throat, she watched as the two men spoke for a while, shook hands then turned to walk up the path to the door. Although they were about the same height, Dan was slightly rounder, the beard on his face a contrast to Arthur’s clean shaven jaw. A slight twinge of guilt tugged at her heart as she found her eyes drawn more to Arthur and his confident stride. Behind his shades, Gwen swore that he was staring at her.

The doorbell rang. 

“Gwen,” Dan leaned over and kissed her, a brush against her lips. “Look who I found outside.”

Arthur nodded. “Ms Thomas.” He lowered his eyes, clearly catching sight of Jason who was hiding behind her legs. Squatting down and sliding off his shades, he smiled warmly. “And hello there, who are you?”

His arms still clutching her legs, Jason whispered his name.

“Jason. I’m Arthur.” He ruffled Jason’s hair then stood. “Your son?”

Gwen nodded. “And you’ve met Dan already, of course,” said Gwen, her nerves buzzing. 

“Yes I did. I was telling him how fortunate I was to have met you."

Dan's arm slipped around her shoulder. "Mr Knight was -"

"Call me Arthur."

"Arthur was telling me about how you've been intervening between him and this Merlin artist." His arm tightened around her. 

Gwen nodded again, unsure of what to say. 

Flashing a wide grin, Arthur said, "she's been very good at her job. Good enough that I'm personally driving her to pick him up."

"He's not from Southend?" 

"He is," said Gwen quickly. "He's just in town for some personal business."

"Ah," Dan said, a confused frown still marred his face. "Well, I guess it's a good thing Mr - Arthur is here since I'm late. Sorry about that." He looked at Arthur. "Perils of being a lawyer. Everyone wants your time."

Gwen could tell that Arthur's interest was faked, but he smiled and enquired politely about Dan's job, yet somehow, he managed to make Gwen feel like his gaze was burning into her. The whole situation was getting too strange for Gwen to bear so she bent over and scooped Jason up. He buried his face into her neck, clearly as uncomfortable as her. 

"We should get going," Gwen said. "Don't want Merlin to wait too long. You know how he is.”

“Right,” said Arthur. Before she could protest, he grabbed her duffle bag and walked towards the car. Dan cast a suspicious glance at her, then gestured for her to walk ahead with Jason. 

“I thought Merlin was a recluse artist,” whispered Dan. “If he’s letting Arthur drive him around, he doesn’t seem too reclusive to me.”

“Being a recluse, doesn’t mean not taking advantage of luxuries that come your way,” said Gwen, even as she realised how weak her argument was. She should really have made up some reason why Dan couldn’t come. Hurting his feelings then would have been preferable to the hole she seemed to have dug for herself. “And riding in Arthur’s car would be faster and more comfortable than the train. Speaking of which, can we get a refund on the tickets?”

At least he had the decency to look contrite. “I doubt it. Look, I’m sorry I was late but –“

“Another client needed your time at the last minute?” Gwen sighed. “Dan, it’s been happening far too often, this being late for things. You were late for Jason’s birthday party two weeks ago.”

They reached Arthur’s car and Dan’s reply died on his lips. Their bags were tossed into the boot and Gwen and Jason slid into the back seats. Dan took the front, next to Arthur.

“There’s a mini-fridge with drinks. I got some soda for Jason, if he’s allowed to drink that of course,” Arthur said, as he started the engine. 

His words got Jason to lift his head and look at Gwen. “Soda?”

Smiling, Gwen settled Jason on the seat next to her and belted him up. “Only one can, ok? Then it’s water.”

“Ok!” His voice dropped to a whisper. “This is a big car.”

Gwen nodded. “It is.”

With a purr, the engine started up and they were off, hurtling towards a future Gwen had no idea what was in store. She held Jason tightly to her. He was the most important thing in her life and she would do anything to protect him, even if it meant plunging into this strange world of reincarnated lives.

+

Years of finishing school meant that it didn’t take much effort to make small talk with Dan. His attention though was keenly focused on the passengers in his back seat. He hadn’t interacted with Jason much but that brief moment, when Jason’s eyes met his, he’d felt a pull, a draw towards the young boy. As far as Arthur remembered, he and Guinevere never had any children, so Jason couldn’t be a reincarnation of their child.

It was almost funny – he, Arthur Knight, had eschewed settling down for so long, so much so that his father was practically throwing suitable partners at him, and now all he wanted to do was be a family with Guinevere and Jason. Except, it wasn’t quite so easy. There was Dan and there was the fact that Guinevere didn’t seem to quite remember him or the love they shared. And most worryingly, there was Morgana, coming to Jason in dreams. 

“What exactly do you do Arthur?” Dan asked, a challenge in his voice. Arthur was well aware of his reputation in the gossip rags. 

“This and that,” he said. “I’m sure you know what Knight Industries does. I’m in charge of most of the business nowadays since my father is semi-retired. Not retired enough to keep his nose out of my business though.”

“Hmm,” said Dan. “And how are you involved with Gwen’s gallery and this reclusive artist?”

Arthur shifted in his seat. “Well, I wanted to get something for my bedroom and Merlin’s art caught my eye. But he’s not easy to deal with and Gwen has been negotiating between us.”

“Funny how Gwen never mentioned working with you before,” said Dan.

“Ah, that’s my doing. You know how much the press loves to follow me around. I swore her to secrecy.”

Dan hummed again. “It’s funny, isn’t it? That your name is Arthur, the artist’s name is Merlin and Gwen, well is sometimes short for Guinevere.”

Behind him, Arthur heard Gwen’s forced laughter and he smiled tightly. “I guess if someone called Morgan turns up, that would be icing on the cake. You should buy the lottery.”

Dan laughed again and Arthur quickly changed the subject, asking Gwen about Jason, a topic, he realised, she loved talking about. And he also realised, he loved listening to her voice. Only, every time Dan contributed something to the conversation – a shared memory of Jason – Arthur could feel the resentment burning his gut. 

It didn’t take long before they pulled up in front of Merlin’s tiny place. Merlin stood in front of his door, oversized sunnies on his face, a paint splattered shirt hanging off his skinny frame, a large floppy hat on his head and a brightly coloured carpet bag in his hand. 

Arthur groaned inwardly. Clearly this is what Merlin thought artists looked like. 

“I hope he hasn’t been waiting long,” said Gwen as she practically rushed out of the car. “Merlin! Let me take your bags.”

“He’s an odd sort,” said Dan and Arthur nodded, smiling.

“He is.”

“I’ll sit in the back with Gwen.”

Merlin entered the car, grinned at Arthur who sighed, started the car and drove off. It was a two hour drive to Southend. Hopefully, they would survive it.


	3. Chapter 3

The car was essentially divided into two. Gwen and her small family were tucked in the back, surrounded by plush leather seats and smell of fresh pine. Dan kept an arm around her shoulders and they watched as a very excited Jason poked and prodded at everything. In the front, Arthur and Merlin sat quietly.

“Jason, don’t –“ Gwen reached out to grab his curious hands. “Here, shall we watch something on this?” She pulled out her tablet, switched on one of Jason’s favourite cartoons and passed it to him.

“Don’t worry about it,” said Arthur from the front. “He can’t do any harm. And anything he spoils can easily be replaced.”

“It must be nice being rich,” said Dan, an edge in his voice. Gwen shot him a look and squeezed his hand. Thankfully, Arthur didn’t seem to hear Dan’s words. With a shake of his head, Dan changed the subject. “What are your plans in Southend?”

Gwen’s brain scrambled to come up with something, something that didn’t involve telling Dan and Jason about the hunt for a mysterious old man.

“Can we go to the beach?” Jason asked, his attention finally torn from the cartoon he was watching.

“Of course,” said Gwen. “We have some business to do but I’m sure I can make some time to go to the beach. Why don't you look up on the Internet what we can see at the beach?"

"Okay!"

Gwen ruffled Jason's hair, smiling as he twisted away.

"What are your plans?" Dan prodded again.

"Um, well.” Gwen darted her eyes to the front of the car where Arthur and Merlin sat, both oblivious to the conversation that was happening behind. “That would depend on Merlin. Mr Pendragon would want, of course, to see Merlin’s gallery and I’m sure there’ll be negotiations. Basically, I will be around to manage the relationship between the two of them.”

Dan cast a suspicious look towards the front of the car. “They look to be getting along fine even without you.”

She looked back at the front of the car where Arthur and Merlin were talking amicably, laughing even. Annoyance built in her. They couldn’t even keep up a pretence for a few hours. “Yeah but that’s only when they aren’t talking about art.”

It was clear that Dan didn’t quite believe her but aside from the slight furrow of his brows, he said nothing, instead turning his head to look out of the tinted windows.

“I’m a little tired,” Gwen lied quietly to no one in particular, allowed herself to sink into the soft leather seat and close her eyes. Aside from Jason’s cartoon playing, the back of the car, silence reigned. Sometime later, the cartoon stopped, then she felt the slight weight of Jason in her lap. Gwen placed one hand on his soft hair, then slowly drifted to sleep herself.

Someone shook her gently, then Jason tugged at her shirt before Gwen opened her eyes. Dan’s smile didn’t reach his eyes but his voice was gentle as he informed her that they had reached. She blinked a little, stretched, and then pushed herself out of the car. Arthur was already out of the car, leaning casually against it, his eyes shielded by his shades. Sensuality emanated from him, reaching out and curling around her and it scared Gwen. Without thinking, she moved away from him.

In front of them stood a small rustic looking holiday cottage. Despite its size, Gwen could tell that it wasn’t budget lodging. The warm yellow lights on the front porch were welcoming, the short cobblestone path to the reception lined with neatly trimmed flowering bushes and the clean white walls trimmed with intricate latticework all spoke of an intimate, luxury boutique hotel.

Jason leaned against her thigh, his thumb in his mouth. Gwen picked him up and waited for Dan to join them with their bags.

“Why don’t I check you all in first? Then I’ll drop Merlin off at his studio.” Arthur pushed himself off the car and without waiting for their reply, walked up the path and disappeared into the reception.

“Wow,” said Dan when he finally joined her. “This is where we’re staying? Arthur is a generous man.”

Gwen could hear the slight unhappiness in his voice but ignored it. Before actually meeting Arthur, Dan had been rather cheerful about the whole trip to Southend but through the journey, had progressively become more and more antsy. Yet for Gwen, now that she was in Southend, hours away from meeting the mysterious old man, from finding out what was going on in her life, Dan’s discomfort was the least of her concerns. Shifting Jason in her arms, she followed Arthur into the reception, where she found him, smiling and chatting with the receptionist, his shades hanging from one hand.

“This is Guinev - uh, Gwen Thomas,” he said, straightening up the moment she entered. He dropped a set of keys into her palm. “I’ll leave her in your capable arms,” Arthur smiled widely at the receptionist. “I have an unconventional artist to chauffeur.”

As Arthur moved past her, their arms brushed and Gwen looked into his eyes. Despite Dan’s entry into the small reception area, Gwen found herself unable to look away, trapped by the warmth and affection in them. Hundreds of years and apparently whatever feelings they had for each other – and they must have had some, being married to each other – still hadn’t ebbed. She was in so much trouble.

“Got the key?” Dan asked, dropping the bags on the ground with a loud thump.

Gwen pulled her eyes away from Arthur, hoping her face wasn’t as flushed as she felt it was. “Yeah. I think the receptionist will show us to our room?”

“Of course,” said the young man. “And it’s our largest suite not a room. Let me take your bags.”

After passing the bags over to the receptionist, Dan took a step towards her. “Let me carry Jason.” Gwen nodded, passing the now fast asleep Jason to Dan. As they followed behind the receptionist, Gwen was aware of Dan walking very closely.

The receptionist was right. Their lodging was more than a room – it was a large suite with two rooms, a living room and a kitchenette. As the receptionist showed them through the suite, pointing out the luxuriously decadent spa bath and rain shower, the branded toiletries and carpets so soft, she sank into them, Gwen felt like she had been transported into a different world - the world someone like Arthur inhabited.

This wasn't her world.

"Wow," said Dan again when the receptionist left and he'd settled Jason into one of the rooms. "This is something. Is his fee for you just as generous?" Mutely, Gwen nodded, not wanting Dan to see the complex vortex of emotions within her. Dan slipped an arm around her shoulder, pressed a kiss against her temple then guided her gently to the bedroom.

Turning her to face him, Dan kissed her forehead, her cheeks then her lips. Instinctively, Gwen's eyes fluttered close. She knew what Dan wanted and why he wanted it. Intimacy to reinforce their relationship, especially after that tense, weird ride. She knew he still had questions about this trip but was willing to put them aside to re-establish themselves as a couple. She wanted it too. Dan was a good man, she told herself as she kissed him back. But when his hands moved up from her waist, she stepped back.

"I -"

Dan's hands dropped. "We need to talk, don't we? Something has been off the past few weeks. You've been distracted, and for a mere client, Arthur Knight seems far too interested in you." He sucked in a deep breath. "Have you and Arthur - Are you two -"

The question, unsaid, hung in the tense air between them.

"If you're asking if I'm having an affair with Arthur, the answer is no." Toeing off her shoes, Gwen sat on the bed as guilt assailed her. Sure, she wasn't actually having an affair with Arthur, aside from that impulsive kiss, but sometimes, the way she was keenly aware of his presence, the way she dreamt of him, it wasn't much different was it? "He doesn't date normal people like me." Her laugh was obviously forced and Dan didn't look in the least mollified.

"Are you really going to pretend that everything is normal? Don't I at least deserve some honesty from you?"

Dan's quiet disappointment unleashed something in her. Tears stung the back of her eyes and the stress and frustration of the past few weeks threatened to overwhelm her. She clasped her hands together tightly.

"Gwen." The bed sank as Dan sat down next to her and with a sigh, pulled her gently into a hug. "Look, if you don't want to talk about it -"

"No," she sniffed. Dan was right. She owed him honesty at the very least. Taking his hand in hers, she took a deep breath and told him everything - from discovering her past life, who Arthur and Merlin really were, to the real reason they were in Southend.

Out loud, the whole thing sounded completely ridiculous and by the time she finished, she was questioning her own sanity. A quick glance at Dan told her that he was probably thinking the same thing. Gently, he withdrew his hand, then rubbed his face with a sigh.

"After a long car ride really isn't the time for this," he said, puffing out a breath. "I suppose I should have known Merlin wasn't an artist." A slight smile ghosted his face.

Gwen forced her lips into a smile as well. "No, he runs a cafe."

When Dan said nothing, Gwen looked at him. He looked in shock, not that she blamed him, and he avoided her eyes. The feeling of being all alone swept across her. For so long, Dan had been a pillar of support to her. Guilt swelled in her and she reached out a hand to touch his cheek, the familiar feel of his wiry beard a sudden source of comfort. He finally turned to look at her and it was relief that flooded her when she saw neither anger or hurt in his eyes. Then she realised what it was. Pity.

"I don't know what to think. Part of me thinks you're making this all up to cover up some affair you're having with Arthur. But the other part of me tells me that there are much easier ways to cover up an affair and this is too fantastical to, ironically, not be true. At least to you."

"You think I'm nuts," she said quietly.

"I don't know. I mean, reincarnation? Past lives? Magic?" He stood, his fingers rubbing his head gently, breaking the contact between them, again leaving Gwen feeling all alone.

She reached for him. "Dan."

"You've had time to deal with this. I need some time as well."

His word cut but Gwen knew he was right. It wasn't fair expecting him to simply digest the news and then be the supportive man she'd always known. "I'll sleep in Jason's room."

No answer came and Gwen simply took her bag and walked out of the room. A strange sense of loss settled in her stomach. As beautiful as the lodging was, as charmingly handsome Arthur was, she desperately wanted to go home, forget that all that had happened and continue with her old life. She was content. Her eyes drifted to where Jason was curled on the bed, sleeping peacefully, innocently and she remembered, she was doing this for him. To ensure he was safe. Gwen brushed a kiss against his cheek, then went to change.

Just as she slid under the covers, next to Jason, her phone beeped. 

_Planning to visit the old guy in the morning. A will get you from your room. M._

She tapped her phone, placed it on the bedside table and snuggled into her pillow, hoping a good night sleep would make everything seem better in the morning.

+

As part of their charade, Arthur had put Merlin in another hotel. And now, he was lying on his bed, staring uselessly at the ceiling, completely unable to sleep. Merlin had told him of the dreams Guinevere’s son had been having – nightmares of Morgana. Why was Morgana using him? Anger unfurled in him at that thought. Jason was completely innocent. It wasn’t fair that he was being dragged into this never-ending battle between them and Morgana.

Arthur closed his eyes, and like every night since he started remembering, Guinevere floated into his mind. He forced himself to think of Dan, to remember the way Dan held Guinevere, the way she tensed every time Arthur stood too closely. They might have had a past that spanned hundreds of years, but it was clear Gwen didn’t, or didn’t want to, remember any of it. And, he firmly told himself, it was better this way. He had to focus, on stopping whatever it is Morgana was up to and on making sure Guinevere and Jason were safe.

+

The smell of bacon tickled her nose, and Gwen blinked, yawned and stretched. The sheets moved under her, almost a caress. A smile played on her lips. If Dan was up cooking breakfast, he must be in a better mood. Jason was no longer in bed and as the fuzz in her brain cleared, she could hear his excited chatter. Then she frowned. It wasn't Dan's voice she was hearing.

As she entered the living room, Gwen saw Arthur and Jason bent over the dining table, chatting happily over something. Her heart constricted, but she wasn't sure if it was with apprehension or affection. Jason reached up and whispered something in Arthur's ear, his small hand on Arthur's shoulder. The smile Arthur flashed at Jason was bright and fond. The hand that ruffled Jason's hair was gentle and affectionate. Gwen closed her eyes, wondering if this was a dream.

"Mum!" Her eyes flew open to see Jason scamper off the chair and towards her. "Arthur has been telling me about dragons and castles! Did you know that an evil man killed off all the dragons in the world many years ago?" His arms winded round her legs and Gwen grabbed him, swinging him into her arms, careful to avoid Arthur's eyes.

His presence unnerved her. "Did you sleep well? No nightmares?”

“No. She was nice today.”

_She._ It sent a chill down Gwen’s spine. She was still invading Jason’s dreams and Gwen didn’t like it, no matter how nice she was being.

Before she could pry more details out of Jason, his sticky hands patted her face. "Uncle Dan went for a walk. I wanted to go but he said I had to stay here with Arthur."

This time, she looked at Arthur. In return, he quirked a smile at her. Walking to the table, she deposited Jason back on his chair, then slid into the other one.

"Arthur says that you are going on an adventure later. Can I come?"

"Remember what I told you?" Arthur suddenly said. A slight pout formed on Jason's face but before he could protest, Arthur spoke again. "You have to stay and look after this place. It's an important job." Arthur chucked Jason's chin gently and apparently Arthur's praise was enough to stem any potential sulking.

Before Gwen could reach for the bacon, Jason shoved his drawing towards her. "Look what I did." She looked down at a piece of drawing Jason just did. A pretty, cottage covered in flowers that were obviously drawn by Arthur, took centre stage. A man with a wizard’s pointy hat stood outside the door while someone peered out of the window.

“That’s lovely,” Gwen said, pinching his cheeks affectionately. “You are going to be a great artist one day.”

Jason beamed at her words, grabbed another crayon and continued working on his art.

“I guess he gets his love for art from you?” Arthur’s amused voice captured her attention. When she looked at him, he passed her a plate of bacon.

With a smile, Gwen nodded. She liked to think so anyway. Gratefully, she accepted the plate of bacon and as Jason, his tongue poking out and brows furrowed, continued to work on his art piece, Gwen stuffed the bacon into her mouth. Arthur stood from the table, then a cup of coffee appeared in front of her. As she ate her breakfast, Arthur continued to help Jason with his art. The whole situation was surreally natural, as if they did this regularly, as if they were a family. Gwen’s peered up at Arthur through her lashes, taking in the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled at Jason, his long fingers that wrapped around Jason’s hand as he showed Jason how to draw something. What would those fingers feel like against her skin?

_Dan_.

Quickly she pushed aside her fanciful thoughts. She’d betrayed Dan’s trust enough already.

“So,” said Arthur after awhile. “I spoke to Dan earlier. He seemed – tense.”

She swallowed. “I told him the truth,” she said quietly, not wanting Jason to start listening.

“Seeing that he hasn’t hauled you off to a mental institution, I’d say he’s taking it well.”

“Yeah.” Once again, guilt and an overwhelming sadness swamped her. “It’ll be fine. He’s very understanding.”

Arthur looked at the table, his voice rough when he replied. “He is a good man.”

“He is. I’m lucky to have him. Jason loves him too.” Her hand moved to ruffle Jason’s hair.

“I love Uncle Dan,” piped up Jason although his eyes were still on his drawing. “He’s very nice to me.”

Something flickered in Arthur’s eyes. “Well, Dan said he needed time alone, asked if I could look after Jason for a while. I told Merlin we’ll pick him up once Dan returns.”

Unsaid was the fact that they were off to see some old man who, hopefully, had all the answers to their questions. Gwen hoped Dan would return soon. The sooner they visited this old man, the sooner this whole thing would be over. Then she go back to living her life with Jason and Dan and put Arthur and Merlin behind her.

As if answering her prayers, Gwen heard the door open. Lifting her head, her eyes met Dan’s. Usually very open with his feelings, his eyes were shuttered and his smile strained.

“Gwen. Arthur.” He inclined his head in greeting. Then his smile brightened. “Jason.”

Dropping his crayon, Jason scampered off the chair and grabbed Dan’s hand. “Come see my drawing!”

After the requisite oohing and ahhing over Jason’s work, Dan looked at Gwen. “Can we talk? It won’t take long.”

Gwen felt her heart plunge. Her throat far too tight to say anything, she merely nodded, then followed Dan into the room. Foolishly, she looked back, catching Arthur’s eye. When she turned back, she knew Dan had seen it.

“Arthur verified your story.” Dan spoke without any emotion. “Right now, I feel like I’m the one who is going nuts.”

Gwen took a step towards him. “Dan –“

He backed away and her heart ached. “Do you love Arthur?”

“What?” This time it was Gwen who stumbled backwards.

“Do you love him? You were married before. You two must have been in love and Arthur is clearly interested in you.”

“Arthur and Merlin remember everything. I don’t.”

Dan frowned. “That’s not an answer.”

Gwen wanted to lie, say she felt nothing for Arthur. But the dreams she had of him, the moments of awareness when their eyes met swirled in her mind and she couldn’t lie to Dan again. “There’s an attraction,” she finally said. “But it’s just an attraction. I’m not going to act on it. I’m in a relationship with you!” Her hands hung uselessly by her side. She wanted to touch him, to reassure him but she didn’t want to have him reject her.

Dan turned from her and ran a hand through his hair. “I love you Gwen,” he said in a low voice. “I don’t understand what is happening here, how it is you are a reincarnation of Queen Guinevere, how magic can actually exist –“

“Dan –“

Turning to look at her, he raised a hand. “Let me finish. But just because I don’t understand it, doesn’t mean it isn’t real.” A sigh shuddered out of him. “You and Arthur – you find each other every lifetime – how do I compete with that?”

Gwen blinked back tears. Was Dan breaking up with her? “That’s not true. You know how the legends end – Arthur and I self-destruct. We’re not some golden couple. I love you Dan.” Tentatively, she touched his arm, thankful when Dan took her hand gently.

“Gwen –“

“No.” Everything was changing and having Dan leave as well was the last straw. “Please, I can’t deal with a break-up now.“

“And I can’t deal with whatever is going on in your life,” said Dan. “I'm angry and disappointed and I don't want to be. And you have to admit we probably need a break, re-evaluate our relationship. I’ve been asking you to marry me for months and you’ve always had a reason to avoid the question. With everything that’s going on in your life, you don’t have time for us right now.”

“I need you,” she said softly. “Please.”

“I’m sorry Gwen. I can’t do this.”

She could feel the tears running down her face, tears that Dan gently wiped away. “I love you Dan,” she murmured and with a sigh, he pulled her into a hug.

“I know,” he whispered. “I don’t think it’s enough.”

+

Her eyes were rimmed red when she stepped out of the room and an unfamiliar sense of fury rose in him. What had Dan done?

“Can we go now?” Her eyes refused to meet his but he could tell but the set of the shoulders and the tone of her voice that she wasn’t about to confide in him. “Dan will take care of Jason for the day.”

“Is Uncle Dan going to bring me to the beach?” Jason asked excitedly.

“I’m sure he will sweetie. Come give me a hug. Be good when I’m gone ok?”

From where he sat, Arthur watched Gwen hug Jason who squirmed out of it quickly. Although she turned her head away, he could see the hurt that was in her eyes. Anger at Dan rose again but he pushed it down. Whatever happened between her and Dan was none of his business. Instead, he dug out his phone and called Merlin.

The drive to Merlin’s hotel was tense, something Merlin completely failed to pick up on when he slipped into the car, all smiles and chatter. Even before Arthur could say anything, Merlin launched into a long monologue on the very charming host at his hotel.

“She used to be a competitive swimmer but now she helps her family run the bed and breakfast.”

“And I need to know this, why?” asked Arthur.

Merlin shrugged. “I was just making conversation. You know, you two had each other. Dumping me alone in a strange country was evil.”

“Look, we’ll check you out later. I’ve booked another room at our resort for you since Dan now knows the truth.”

“Oh, there’s no need for that. I promised Francine that I’d come back to have dinner with her.”

Arthur just rolled his eyes. He supposed he should be happy at least one of them seemed to be in a good mood. “Whatever Merlin.” Tossing the GPS to him, Arthur told him to input the address from the card.

He did.

Only he keyed in the number in the wrong order, leading to them disturbing a very angry lady who swore like a sailor and an overly friendly elderly man. After over an hour of small talk over tea, the three of them finally escaped the clutches of the old man.

“Give me the card, you useless dolt,” snapped Arthur once they made it back into the car again.

“I’ll key in the address,” said Gwen quietly. Arthur turned to her, his eyes taking in her sad features, aching to hold her and tell her everything would work out. But it wasn’t his place and instead, Arthur passed her the GPS. Obviously a much more competent user of the system, they quickly found themselves at a small cottage.

“I guess we’re here,” said Merlin, his exuberant mood gone. “He believes in gardening by God, doesn’t he?”

“Gardening by God?” Gwen asked.

Laughing, Merlin nodded. “You know, when you don’t actually tend to your garden but leave it up to the whims of God. Look at his walls. The plants growing on them are out of control.”

Gwen smiled genuinely for the first time in a long while, and Arthur felt a strange mix of feelings in his stomach – pleasure that her mood was lifting and jealousy that it was Merlin who managed it. Shaking his head to rid himself of his foolishness, he turned to face the cottage.

It seemed awfully familiar.

But Merlin was already at the door, knocking loudly and before Arthur could think any more about the cottage, the door swung open and a spritely old man stepped out. A cigarette dangled from his fingers as his eyes swept across them.

“Took you three long enough,” the old man finally said, letting his cigarette drop to the ground.


End file.
